U4ME
Knuckle shuffle, hand shandy
Bashing the bishop that’s
handy
One off the wrist from Mrs
Palm and her 5 lovely daughters
Making a milk shake, cloudying
the waters
Choking the chicken, strangling
the snake
Stroking the totem, draining
the lake
Jerkin the gherkin, grating
the carrot
Wiping the pipe, strangling
the parrot
Making a cocktail, shaken
not stirred
Removing the hump from Richard
III
Varnishing the banister,
carnal tunnel syndrome
Hand to gland combat, playing
at home
Putting Mr Kleenex’s kids
through college
Onan the barbarian, holding
the sausage hostage
Downloading from your own
website, five knuckle shuffle
Making the filling for a
Savoy truffle
Evicting testicular squatters,
giving the piston a lube
Squeezing the toothpaste
in the middle of the tube
Blinding the Cyclops, yanking
the rope
Choking Kojak, disobeying
the Pope
Giving the tadpoles a swimming
lesson, coming into your own
One-eyed target practice,
polishing the bone
Doing a George Michael,
stroking your poker
Makin a living as a chicken
choker
Not to be sexist
Twanging the banjo, playing
the harp
Washing your fingers, tick-ling
carp
Making waves for the man
in the boat
Opening the curtains and
clearing your throat
Stirring the sauce, thickening
the gravy
Polishing your fingertips,
tickling the baby
Reading Braille, deaf and
dumb talking
Letting your fingers do
the walking
Coaxing the Genie out of
the lamp
Playing the clitar, opening
the clamp
Removing the nail polish,
shuffling the pack
One handed clapping, filling
the crack
The two-fingered tango,
solo nookie
Jennying off, grooming the
wookie
Sweeping the chimney, polishing
the grate
Tiptoeing through the 2
lips, mistress bate
Spankin the puppy on the
nose
Primin the hymen, dethorning
the rose
Oiling your holster, a ménage
a moi
Dipping your finger in the
petit fois
Coming together
Shaking hands with the unemployed
Rubbin the nubbin, nulling
the void
Polishing Percy and making
him sick
The disappearing finger
trick
Shooting the rapids, making
the wedding ring brighter
Ironing the wrinkles, being
a performance poetry writer
© Bill Healey
May 2002
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