Sleep Button
The older I
get the earlier I go to bed.
Tired in body
– but tired in the head?
No! Because,
Brain doesn’t want to go to sleep.
All the day’s
thoughts and worries not stopped by counting bloody sheep!
So, it occurred
to me that instead of ticking off mutton
I’d have a go
at discovering the ‘sleep button’.
There’s got
to be one – else how do you drop off?
‘Course some lucky bastards just hit the pillow
and ‘poff’.
Now, that Mr
Spock, he’s got the touch. You know, Star Trek.
Instant oblivion,
by pressing your fingers to your neck.
I lay there
for hours, I tried and I tried,
But when I squeezed
my Adam’s Apple, I nearly fuckin’ died!
Now God’s not
soft. He must have already thought of this.
But where is
the magic button that sends us into dream-filled bliss?
So, I started
to explore. Well, it’s my body!
I had a quick
feel of everything – His workmanship is shoddy!!
There’s soft
bits and hard bits, knobbly bits and wobbly bits,
Hairy bits and
furry bits (Furry?!) and even two that look like tits!
So many, and
such a variety of part
I wondered where
the bloody hell I was going to start!!
I tackled it
systematically, ‘cause that’s how I was taught.
I know, it’ll
be me nose I suddenly thought.
I pushed it
and picked it and……Agh! I’d better
let go!
Or I’ll end
up tomorrow looking like ruddy Pinnochio!
Gallantly I
continued until I reached the Patella.
But no, it wasn’t
the key for this wakeful fellah.
A knobbly knee
contest I’d probably win
Especially if
the prize was a bottle of gin!!
Oh come on God!
This isn’t fair.
Just let me
nod off. I’m going spare!!
I’ve been at
this now for over an hour
Wave your wand,
knock me out…exert some Heavenly Power!
After trying
every protuberance, from ears to nose,
Through head’s
and shoulders, knees and toes (knees and toes!)
I thought, I’ve
had enough, this is getting bloody silly.
So I reverted
back to my dear old friend, the tried and trusted----------!! Teddy Bear?
ãTony Gill. 2001
